Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i've created a new STD.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
