forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
