She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
