im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
