I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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