If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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