Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
