I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize
