We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
