Soap is not a condiment
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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