Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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