Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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