that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
