C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
