He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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