i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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