once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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