Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
