What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
