I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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