no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
