if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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