i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
