you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
