At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
