this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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