New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
