end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
