I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
