Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize