My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
