i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
