why didn't you poke me back
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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