party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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