my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize