Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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