I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
