I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
