I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
