Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
