Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
