Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
