I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
