...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
