fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
