I think scott just propositioned me for sex
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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