If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
