Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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