I'm eating all of the evidence.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
