Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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