I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
