Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
