In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
