oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
