Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
