check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
