omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
