he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dick very happy bro
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
