I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize