he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
