I just made out with a guy for $7.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
