Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
