he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
