i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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