Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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