Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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