oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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